Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Napoleon Rides Again

These commercials were recently taped for the Utah State Fair: 1, 2, 3,

Thanks to Barlow for the link.

Ronco gets sold!

Huh, I totally expected the amount to be higher. $55 million? After all of the crap he's shilled over the last 30 years?

One related note: that rotisserie thing they sell is the shiznit. "Set it and forget it" indeed!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

My Top 10 CD's so far of 2005 (or, ROCK SNOB ALERT)

Just wanted to share some of the stuff I've been listening to lately:

10. Gimme Fiction - Spoon

Fun and eclectic - a cross between Wilco and the Plastic Ono Band. Some of the best guitar rock I've heard this year. Then there's "I Turn My Camera On" a sweet, funky fresh Prince/"Some Girls" era Jagger groove.

9. Magic Time - Van Morrison

Just a superb modern take on 60's jazz/soul melodies. Turn down the lights, pour yourself a glass of wine and put this record on. You'll have no regrets.

8. Guero - Beck

Sad Beck is gone, happy Beck is back. Not much to say other than this is Beck doing what he does best.

7. Live at Stubb's - Matisyahu

Just another Hasidic Jew spitting out some of the most firey reggae rhymes I've heard in awhile. They are all based on Old Testament stories and themes (which if you know reggae music is not all that surprising). Very impressive, not a novelty act like you might expect. This album is pure worship, aggressive, infectious, enthusiastic, and uplifting.

6. X&Y - Coldplay

When I first played this I thought it was a colossal failure. Ambitious but slippery. "They tried too hard to follow up "Rush", flew too close to the sun and the wings melted" I thought. After a solid five hours on replay during a extremely trying paper for my International Biz class. I was hooked...couldn't get it out of my head. They rival Radiohead for best current Brit band (sorry Oasis).

5. Twin Cinema - New Pornographers

Haven't heard it yet. But if it's half as good as "Mass Romantic" and "Electric Version" which I loved, it will immediately be #5. Verse-chorus-verse with lots of catchy hooks.

4. Face The Truth - Stephen Malkmus

Truth be told I was never much of a Pavement fan, so I was pretty unaware of his solo career. Then I heard him perform some cuts on "Morning Becomes Ecletic" and I immediately got the album. Can't really describe it...you just have to get the CD. It's one of those albums you will find yourself humming long after your done listening.

3. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning - Bright Eyes

Conor Oberst follows up his brilliant but meandering last album, "Lifted, Or, The Story is in the Soil" with another strong one. This one's much tighter than his other albums. Oberst has been compared to the likes of Dylan ad nauseum, not just because of his nasally tenor but also his introspective lyrics. He's not there yet, but he's on the right track.

2. Picaresque - The Decemberists

Imagine a band that is a cross between R.E.M and They Might Be Giants composing and performing Broadway influenced, literate sea shanties about pirates, death, war and Victorian Europe. It also contains the near perfect gem "Sixteen Military Wives" one of the best recent anti-war songs that skewers both the ultra "kill 'em all" right as well as the lefty Hollywood types, with their "pristine liberal minds".

1. Illinois - Sufjan Stevens

Quite possibly the most beautiful, spiritual and moving CD I've listened to in quite awhile. I first heard about Sufjan's (Soof-yan) work through the Danielson Familie band (another band that you need to be aware of - catchy, creative pop music). I bought his previous album "Seven Swans" sight unseen (not like me at all - I'm usually the guy going through all the "preview" tracks on Amazon) and I was well rewarded for it. Now he's raised the bar with this new album.

The concept is this: Some time ago, Stevens announced that he wanted to write an album for every state in America. A daunting task even for the likes of well-traveled humanists like Dylan and Springsteen. While after the release of Illinois he has backtracked a bit on that original statement, I really hope that he plans to go through with it, impossible as it seems.

Quite frankly it is the best album so far of 2005. It explores all of the deep emotions of the spirit - laughter, optimism, joy, pain, heartbreak and darkness. One of the tracks is devoted to serial killer John Wayne Gacy Jr (an Illinois native) and it is one of the most beautiful and haunting songs on the album. After a disturbing litany of Gacy's methods of death, Stevens ends the song with this chilling line:

"..and in my best behavior, I am really just like him.
Look beneath the floorboards for the secrets I have hid"

This is a man who takes his sins seriously (yes he is a devout Christian)

But this is not your older brother's happy, slappy, naive and ultimately benign "Christian" music. This is well-made, thoughtful music that just happens to be written by a Christian. It is music that mourns the fallenness not only of man but also of creation. In "Casmir Pulaski Day", perhaps the most powerful song on the album, he inhabits the character of a young man mourning the loss of his girlfriend to cancer. In the middle of the song he deals with a God that seems to be absent:

"Tuesday night at the Bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens..."

Finally at the end of the song when his beloved dies he closes the song with:

"Oh the glory that the Lord has made
And the complications when I see his face
In the morning in the window

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes and he takes and he takes"

The song closes with a trumpet solo...quiet and mournful which after awhile seems to come to a sense of acceptance if not closure.

But if there is weeping at night then joy also comes in the morning. "The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts" is an uplifting song that celebrates humankind's need for community in a society that increasingly celebrates the individual.

The album first three songs open with an exhilerating, joyful rush of themes and melodies that travel far and wide exploring UFO sightings, the "god" of Progress that promises salvation but delivers frustration, as well as the history and geography of Illinois, and finally hangs out with Carl Sandburg who asks Mr. Stevens if he's "writing from the heart".

If he isn't then no one is.

Get this album now!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Theta Thoughts from CT

Long post...you've been warned

Not feeling rather witty, creative or interesting in the least, so just a few random tidbits.

Connecticut was beautiful. Everytime I fly to the East Coast (I cover MA, NH, RI and CT as my recruiting territories) I am amazed at how unassuming and provincial it seems compared to here. The twin-charms of antiquity and blue-collar ethos bleeds so freely from its pores that big cities like Hartford, Boston and Providence seem tiny and unassuming in comparison to the cold structures of steel, stucco and mirrored glass that layer the landscape of So. Cal. Maybe its just the old soul that these cities posess, I dunno. I know east coasters may have a different take, but that's just this L.A. boy's perspective, take it or leave it.

Making the 45 minute drive from Hartford to New Haven I took the opportunity to get lost in the scenery. Cities burst out of great thatches of rolling forest covered hills. You can drive for miles and see nary a billboard or a cookie-cutter housing tract. Usually you have to drive 1 to 2 hours down here in So Cal before you get a break from that sort of mish mash.

Hey during the trip I picked me up a stalker. So that was neat. Suffice it to say that the lady wanted the job BAD...real BAD...no I mean REEEEEEEAL BAD. I mean tracking me down and calling my hotel room at 6 AM in the friggin' morning to beg for a job BAD.

That's right you heard me, I said it. This individual called my hotel room at 6 AM in the morning the day of the job fair. Keep in mind my PST-wired body was running at 3 AM speed and therefore not a single coherent thought was running through my head. She was on the phone begging for a job and the only thing I could think of to say was "DON'T TOUCH ME LUCKY CHARMS". As it was, when it came my turn to speak, I told her to meet me at the job fair and we would have an interview.



Well she showed up, we sat down to the interview and spent the next few minutes talking about how screwed up her personal life life was and why this job would make it all better. As moved as I was by her personal turmoil and her obvious mental illness, I told her that because of her lack of experience this may not be the best job for her at this time.

I know, it's OK, you can say it..."STOOOOOOOOOOPID".

Well as it turned out, the lady hung around the job fair for a half an hour after her interview talking to the other candidates all of whom glanced at me nervously for rescue. Eventually though, she left. The rest of the job fair was hardly what you would call a success. Maybe all of 13 people turned out, out of which maybe 3 or 4 were even remotely qualified for the position. The last hour of the job fair was cancelled due to the 2 hour evacuation of the hotel due to a chemical spill in the lobby. Jeez what a day.

As I lay sleeping soundly in my bed the next morning, guess who greeted me with another 6 A.M. call? More begging ensued while the only response I coudld think of was to scream loudly into the phone "CONJUNCTION JUNCTION, WHAT'S YOUR FUNCTION?". When it came my turn to speak, this time I told her that I would speak to my manager about interviewing her.

It was one of those slow motion, out of body moments where you can sense your spirit, mind and body stare in incredulity at the ineffable stupidity of the mouth as it states it's nonsense.

I thought that this would satisfy her and buy me a few more hours of sleep. I was wrong. An hour later SHE CALLED AGAIN!!! This time I basically picked up the phone and told (yelled at) her to stop calling me, that calling me so early was unprofessional and rude (duh). She mumbled out a weak OK and I slammed the phone down. This time I called the front desk to ensure no more calls would go through.

Later that day, I'm sitting in my Hartford branch and guess who calls. "Rob, it's XXXX on the line for you". The whole branch looks at me and groans. It turns out that she's been pestering them all week for a job, giving them the same sob story as well. This time I calmly told her that I had spoke to my manager about her (lie) that he wanted to think about it (lie) and that I would call her when he makes a decision (when I'm far, far the hell away from you).

That night as I went back to my hotel, I ran like my ass was on fire from the parking lot to the elevator in the lobby. I know this might sound weird but being a movie and drama geek I tend to hear soundtracks in my mind when tense situations occur. This time the opening theme of "Psycho" was going through my mind as I raced up to my hotel room. When I got in I checked the closets, shower and under my bed. even though it was all clear, I still kept looking over my shoulder, half expecting her to jump out of nowhere like Leatherface screaming "Time to pay the fiddler" while starting up a chainsaw.

Yeah, I have my issues too...

Well dear reader as you can tell by this long, meandering post (by which now you are thankfully at the end), I made it out of CT alive. Oh and I did end up calling her, 3000 blissful miles away, and told her that unfortunately the answer still was no. She calmly thanked me for my time and hung up. So an uneventful end to an eventful experience. I truly do hope she gets help and that she finds a job that matches her skills, but mostly the "getting help" part.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

New Title

Well I broke down and changed the blog title. I never did like the title "Rob for Everyone", it was just a little too...ewww.

So let me explain the new title - Have you ever got in the car, drove to work, got out of the car and come to the pants-crapping realization that you have no flippin' idea how you got there. The whole 20-30 minute drive is completely lost to you with no recollection of it whatsoever?

Well turns out that you were driving in the theta state of brainwave activity, the way slooooowed down state where you do routine and normal activities on autopilot.

It's the state of mind I strive to be in, let me tell you why...

Negative as it may seem on the surface, the theta state is actually a very positive, relaxed state of mind. Rather than being confined to the idea of people locked in the dreary habits of day in & day out routine, the theta state is the state where dreamers and idealists are often at their most creative.

So while I value and welcome the comments of various family and friends, I would like to use this blog as a forum primarily for self-growth, a place that will challenge and change me in various ways...whether it's thinking through serious issues or posting things here that make me laugh, think, feel or all of the above.

So with all that, let's give it another go...

Friday, June 17, 2005

Dirty Thirty

alt. gay title: Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

So it begins, a third of my life is over...sheesh that feels so weird to say and even weirder to write. Wednesday, I celebrated my thirtieth year on this planet and I have to say so far I am unimpressed. Jesus started his public ministry at age thirty...me, I believe I have the beginnings of quite a tasty case of the carpal tunnel.

I got the obligitory "how does it feel to be thirty" question innumerable times at work, to which I responded "Crappy, thanks!". Actually I gave the obligatory, pat answer "same as twenty-nine, har-har". Man I needed some alcohol after the ninth time, but hard liquor is generally frowned upon before 9 AM.

All kidding aside, I feel great. I've got a job that I look forward to going to everyday. I'm surrounded by great friends, a supportive family, the two cutest kids you'll find anywhere and the most beautiful woman in the world as a wife. Life could be worse! Got a party going on at the house on Saturday, 40's, shorties, pimps, ho's and a stellar jumpy house for the kids. I'll be the guy grilling hot dogs with singed eyebrows (still getting used to the charcoal BBQ). Hit you later!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Oh my

More proof that the internet solely exists to usher in the end of civilization as we know it.

Kitten War

That said, look at some of these loser kitties...Yowza, that's a whole lotta ugly!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Oops!

In the sad, overpopulated history of bad ideas, where do you think this one ranks??

Very nice, let's commemorate our fallen troops by playing the solemn dirge "Stayin' Alive". Well thought out! Not only that but they went ahead and made it two for two by following up with "You Should be Dancin'".

What was "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" not available? Were the royalties for "Dead Man's Party" too much to pay?

Monday, April 25, 2005

You always return to your Dark Master.

Early night from school tonight, just a final exam and go home, gotta love it.

This marks my second day back sucking from the sweet teat of Starbucks. Lately I've been getting up too late to make coffee so for two weeks I have gone without my morning jolt.

My co-workers have noted a palpable difference.

"Jeez Rob, you look like you're really on edge", one of them noted. I slowed my brain down and took a quick self-check. Eyes darting rapidly, sentences slurred, mind unable to hold focus, leg extra jumpy like Thumper on a meth binge...and yet it was the most productive I had been in a while.

"Just got alot of stuff on my mind", I mumbled. "Very busy". Which I was.

Now common sense, which is hard to come by these days, dictates that when your actions cause you to look like you're about to stroke out, it's probably best to change your ways.

But I know it's temporary, all it takes is the first couple of hits and everything will smooth itself out.

Well this is disappointing

Tatertots
You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


For sure thought I was going to get Pedro.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Journey to the Darth Side

This is a scream. Apparantly Darth Vader has his own blog. Very funny and surprisingly poignant material. Check it out!

Back for now

Hey there, just going to give this another go. It's been a little more than a year since I shut down TPB, I was really burned out and a lot of things were going on in my life where I just couldn't post consistently.

Not that I ran out of things to say...those who know me can attest to this.

So what's new? Well a career change for one. When I last posted I was quite disgruntled and a little depressed about my work situation. After two years of recruiting for a large bank, they eliminated my position and sent me to the slave galleys of customer service where I had to endure the constant whines of the irresponsible. That's fine I guess, I was good at what I did and it was a paycheck...but not much else.

Now things are a bit happier, I am a recruiter for the northeast region of a large company (no names though...don't want to get dooced) and am traveling regulary to the east coast to fulfill my duties. I'm almost done with my stuudies and should be getting my diploma mid-2006.

Karlene, J & C remain the loves of my life along with another little buddy on the way. To quote the great philosopher Joe Walsh, life's been good to me so far.

So here we go. Time to give this another shot. Let's see what madness ensues...